1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
