gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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