she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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