he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
