airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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