Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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