i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
