I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
