Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
