for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
