Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize