Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
