its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
