I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
