I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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