All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
