Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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