Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
