I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
