one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
