So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
