Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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