do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
