that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
