the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
