I love black thongs
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
