She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
