Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
