Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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