i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I need to calm my uterus...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
