I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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