Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
