No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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