the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
