you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
