he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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