All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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