don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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