Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
