Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
