Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
