Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
