College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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