So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
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John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore