i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day