you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
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