he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos