i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.