Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.