I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?