Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.