I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
