I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
