It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
