My first STD was from a foam party
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
