Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
