I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves