We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
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pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
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judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.