I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
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