tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago