woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
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The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito