I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!