I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome