He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"