Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
