Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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