Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
