Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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