Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?