just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers