I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.