I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.