Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
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I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
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It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
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That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.