I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
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When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.