You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
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Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
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so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
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dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?