Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.