If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
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no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.