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Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
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