I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
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Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?