I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.