I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
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All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22