you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.