We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wish my penis had an off switch
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.