my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have feelings that need drinking.