She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.