She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand