No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out