He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW