I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I wish my penis had an off switch
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.