Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wish my penis had an off switch
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.