Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
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I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
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Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"