Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
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He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here