According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it