Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
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That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
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We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up