I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable