Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat