I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it