Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
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Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
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In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will