You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?