Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something