Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...